


It's Meaningless Without You

by wookbutt09



Category: Free!
Genre: Cute, First Kiss, Fluff, High School, High ☆ Speed!, M/M, This takes place during their first year so they are only 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 18:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3298934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wookbutt09/pseuds/wookbutt09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka and Makoto have been friends since Kindergarten, and now they're starting their first year of high school together. </p><p>A new year, a new school, and Makoto wants to experience new things. </p><p>“Haru?” Makoto suddenly asked, eyes still locked on the floor. Haruka looked at him anyway. </p><p>“Haru, have you ever kissed a girl?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Meaningless Without You

**Author's Note:**

> It's absolutely possible to enjoy this fic without reading High Speed, however, I highly suggest that you read it 1) because it's amazing and 2) because a lot of the things that Haru talks about in this story are actual canon events/quotes from their childhood and it may or may not enhance your reading experience, lol.

It was their first year of high school.

It was April, the first semester had just begun, and this year, Makoto and Haruka were put in the same class. While they spent a majority of their time outside of school together, it was still nice to have each other in class, too. They had had other friends their first year of middle school, and while they had still talked to them a bit when they ran into them during school activities, Haruka had grown distant from them after he’d decided to quit swimming competitively, and since Makoto generally followed whatever Haruka did, Makoto grew a little more distant from them, too. Not that either of them really minded.

But none of those friends had come to Iwatobi High anyway, and since Rin had gone overseas, and they hadn’t seen any of their Swim Club friends since it had closed, they really only had each other at this point.

 “This is going to be a good year, don’t you think, Haru?” Makoto mentioned quietly, plopping himself down onto his bed next to Haruka. Their video game had been put on pause while Makoto had gone to bring his younger siblings to bed, and he now seemed a little more serious than when they had all been playing together not more than 10 minutes ago.

Haruka thought about it, but he really wasn’t sure what a good year would mean. The first week of high school had gone on as normal. It seemed that nothing had really changed from middle school.

“Maybe we should start a swim club this year,” Makoto said a little more excitedly, looking over at Haruka with bright, imploring green eyes.

Haruka looked at him in surprise.

A swim club? No, he had quit swimming competitively over a year ago after Rin had made a surprise visit back home, and Haruka had beaten him in a race. Rin had been so upset when he lost, crying and yelling that he was never going to swim again. Haruka was shocked, and confused. He couldn’t understand why his friend, who loved swimming so much that he’d gone to a special school for swimming overseas, suddenly wanted to quit after losing a race to him.

Haruka had assumed it was his fault. Back in middle school, more than one person he swam with had made it seem like it was his fault when they didn’t succeed. In fact, a few of them had flat out told him that it was his fault. Whether or not any of those things were actually true, Haruka couldn’t be sure. But it didn’t stop him from feeling hurt whenever he thought about it.

He had never shared any of these things with Makoto, and he really didn’t want to start now.

“I don’t want to,” was all he said.

Makoto looked at him for a few more seconds, before smiling and looking down.

“I figured you’d say that.”

He smiled when he said it, but Haruka knew Makoto well enough to know when something was bothering him. However, Haruka wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to push it. He looked down at the paused controllers laying between them on the bed.

“Haru?” Makoto suddenly asked, eyes still locked on the floor. Haruka looked at him anyway.

“Haru, have you ever kissed a girl?”

Haruka furrowed his eyebrows for a second, before catching himself and putting on his usual, plain expression. Why would Makoto even ask him that?  He should already know the answer, anyway. Not only were they together most of the time, but when had either of them ever shown any interest in a girl? They’d only ever had one real friend who was a girl, and they’d grown apart from her just as they had the others. It’s not that Haruka didn’t think that girls were cute, he just wasn’t interested in much of anything.

Did he think girls were cute? He wasn’t actually sure, now that he thought about it.

“No, have you?” Haruka asked, surprising even himself. It really didn’t matter either way, since it was none of his business.

“No. I was just thinking about experiencing new things, since it’s the start of a new year. We’re in high school now.”

Haruka hadn’t asked for an explanation, so he wasn’t sure why Makoto felt the need to explain it. But then again, that was like Makoto.

“I think it would be nice to like someone…” Makoto continued, a somewhat sad expression on his face as he concentrated on fiddling with his hands.

Haruka glanced down at the still-paused controllers. If they just picked them back up and started playing, they could pretend that this conversation had never happened.

It’s not that he didn’t care about Makoto’s feelings, and it’s not as though they had never talked about anything serious before. After the things they’d gone through, Haruka was pretty sure that there was probably nothing that they couldn’t share at this point. But that didn’t mean that Haruka wanted to share those things.

What was he supposed to say? Yes, it would be nice to like someone? How should he know? These were not things that Haruka had ever thought about.

He supposed that Makoto could probably date almost any girl he wanted. Sure, he was shy, but he was also kind, and friendly, and even Haruka knew what was considered attractive, and he knew that Makoto was considered very attractive. He was always bigger than most of the boys in their year, but since middle school, he’d grown much more than that. Haruka thought that he himself was pretty average for a 14 year old high school kid, but Makoto was already probably taller than 5’7”, and unlike all the other scrawny teenagers at their school, Makoto had always been larger, with really broad shoulders. Even if they’d stopped swimming, they still ran, and biked, and worked out, so his muscles were certainly not lacking. His voice was already much deeper than it had been the year before, and though he often maintained very innocent expressions, his face certainly did not resemble that of a child’s anymore.

Haruka’s own expression dropped for a moment when he realized just how much Makoto had grown up. Maybe Makoto was growing up without him. Haruka knew that he was no longer a middle schooler, but what did it mean to be in high school? Were they supposed to try new things, like Makoto wanted to do? Haruka wasn’t the type to care about doing what was expected of him, but Makoto wasn’t like him.

“Is there a girl you like?” Haruka asked quietly. While he hated getting involved in anything, he’d learned to accept that he cared about Makoto, and he was getting better at allowing himself to show it. It was hard to express his feelings, but it was actually harder to be angry and indifferent all the time.

“No,” Makoto said quietly, shaking his head. “Is there a girl you like, Haru?”

“No,” he said honestly. Makoto didn’t say anything for a few moments, he just sighed, which Haruka thought was very unlike Makoto. “What?” he questioned

“Nothing,” Makoto smiled again, looking up at Haruka. “I guess we’re pretty boring, huh?” He laughed, but Haruka felt sad for Makoto. Makoto was not boring.

“You should talk to some girls,” Haruka mumbled, not sure if he was really the right person to be giving anyone advice.

“Huh?” Makoto asked, probably unsure if he had heard Haruka correctly.

“I think girls would like you if you talked to them.”

“Maybe,” Makoto said, but Haruka sensed he didn’t really mean it.

“It’ll be okay, you know. If you just said hi to one...”

Haruka felt his cheeks warm up, and he wasn’t sure why he should feel embarrassed about this.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Haruka asked, confused. Makoto was so friendly. Haruka remembered feeling upset in middle school, thinking that Makoto would be completely fine without him, because lots of guys wanted to be his friend and play sports with him, and he got along with everyone so easily.

“I can’t do it unless Haru is with me,” he said, looking back down. Haruka remembered Makoto telling him this when they were younger, and although it was a normal part of their friendship for them to be together often, it bothered him that Makoto still felt this way. He wasn’t angry that Makoto wanted to be around him, he was angry that Makoto still didn’t feel confident enough to do things on his own. Makoto had no reason not to be confident. Haruka really couldn’t provide him with much, anyway.

“You can’t expect a girl to like you if I’m always there,” Haruka said, probably harsher than he had meant it.

“It’s meaningless without you,” Makoto whispered, more to himself than to Haruka.

Haruka felt his eyes narrow in frustration. There were some things about Makoto that he would never understand. Makoto had just said he wanted a girl to like him, and yet he’s still saying things like this. All he could respond with was a sigh.

He’d expected Makoto to respond with a smile or a laugh to try and brush off this conversation, so he was surprised again when Makoto kept pushing the subject.

“Have you ever thought about kissing someone?” he asked, and Haruka wasn’t sure what to say.

Honestly, he hadn’t thought about kissing before, or anything like that. He was very aware of what kissing, and dating, and sex were all about; everyone knew all about it by the time they were 10 years old, and he was sure that more than a few kids had tried at least some of those things not much longer after that. He wasn’t naïve, he wasn’t any different from any other boy his age, and all the same physiological things were happening to him. The difference is that Haruka just genuinely wasn’t interested, and he knew he was probably abnormal.

“I’ve never thought about kissing a girl, or anything like that,” he replied, feeling a little embarrassed again when he realized that obviously Makoto had thought about it.

“Oh,” was Makoto’s short response.

Haruka didn’t even know what that meant and at this point, he’d started to feel a little awkward, which had never happened between them before. Neither of them could look at each other, and it was quiet for a few moments. Haruka had zero intention of being the first to speak. Luckily, or unluckily, Makoto could always produce a response.

“But if someone ever asked you to, would you?” Makoto finally asked.

Haruka froze for a moment, and he had no idea what to say. He really had never thought about this until a few minutes ago. Would he kiss someone? That’s what a normal guy would do.

“I dunno…” he mumbled, embarrassed by how childish his voice sounded.

“If I asked you to, would you?” Makoto responded, sounding somewhat angry and impatient, or desperate and excited, something that Haruka couldn’t describe but something that surprised him more than anything in his entire life. His mind had gone completely blank and so he had no response. He just stared at Makoto, eyes wide.

He was even more surprised as the seconds ticked by and Makoto kept looking at him, waiting for a response. Normally, Makoto would answer for him if he wasn’t sure how to express himself, but this time, he was the only one who could respond, and Haruka had to admit that it was kind of terrifying.

Why did Makoto want to kiss someone so badly? Haruka then had to remind himself that these kinds of things were normal. Haruka was the one who wasn’t normal. But then again, was kissing your best friend normal? Shouldn’t a guy want to kiss the girl he likes?

He then supposed that since Makoto didn’t have a girl that he liked, that maybe this was the easiest way to try it. After all, when he thought about it, they were the closest with each other, so even if they were friends, maybe it didn’t have to be weird. Maybe it would just be trying something new, like a new year, a new school…

“Okay…” he finally said, so quietly that he wasn’t sure if Makoto had heard him.

Makoto was now the one with the wide-eyed expression, obviously not expecting Haruka to agree.

They sat in silence for a few more moments, just looking at each other’s faces, looking into each other’s eyes. But Haruka felt that the longer they looked at each other like this, the weirder it would be, and this wasn’t supposed to be weird, it was just supposed to be trying something new, something very normal.

Heart beating harder and faster than he ever remembered it feeling before, he leaned towards Makoto. Noticing Makoto’s eyes close shut a millisecond before he shut his own, he then gently grabbed Makoto’s shoulder as he brought their lips together. He heard Makoto slightly gasp through his nose before he felt Makoto’s lips press back onto his own. It was electric, and Haruka unconsciously clutched Makoto’s shoulder a bit tighter when Makoto brought his hand up to Haruka’s chest, weakly grabbing a fistful of his shirt to keep Haruka connected to him.

Haruka’s head was spinning when he felt Makoto open his mouth slightly, he could hear his own pulse beating in his skull, and it took no convincing on his own part to open his mouth, too, pulling back just a little, just to come forward for another kiss, once, twice, three times. It felt really nice, and Haruka was pretty sure that he now understood why people loved kissing so much.

He was shaking a bit, and he wasn’t sure whether it was nerves or excitement. But either way, if he thought he had been shocked earlier when Makoto had asked to kiss him, he was a thousand times more shocked at himself when he decided to slowly, gently push his tongue into Makoto’s mouth. There had been no hesitation, he’d absolutely wanted to feel more of whatever this was. His breath caught in his chest when he felt Makoto’s tongue on his own, and the kiss became a little less slow and gentle. Their breathing was loud around them as Haruka’s hand grabbed more tightly onto Makoto’s shoulder, Makoto’s hand grabbed even more tightly onto Haruka’s shirt. Was kissing always this intense?

Before he knew it, Makoto stopped, releasing his grip on Haruka’s shirt, letting his lips linger on Haruka’s for a second more, and then slowly pulling back. Haruka was embarrassed, not because of what had just happened between them, but because he couldn’t believe that it had stopped.

He looked into Makoto’s eyes, his mouth slightly open as he tried to catch the breath he had lost, his hand still leaning on Makoto’s shoulder for support. Makoto looked back at him, with a genuinely happy smile, and green, sparkling eyes.

Makoto’s happy smile turned into a happy smirk as he reached down to grab one of the controllers on the bed between them, Haruka’s hand falling from his shoulder in the process. Makoto unpaused the game and started playing again, the smirk he kept on his face the only indication that anything had happened at all.  

Haruka was dumbfounded, staring at Makoto who had so simply continued their stupid video game. How the hell could Makoto keep his composure like this when he was the one who had wanted to kiss in the first place? Haruka let his eyes trail down to the other controller left on the bed, staring for a second before coming to the conclusion that there was nothing else to do but pick it up.

He turned to the screen and pressed the start button, allowing himself back into the game. After a few minutes, it became easier to forget the intensity that they’d both just felt, and soon enough it was almost like it had never happened at all. Haruka was back to his normal self, and Makoto was, too, for the most part, except that happy little smirk that he couldn’t wipe from his features, as he whispered, “Thank you, Haru…” underneath his breathe. Haruka’s cheeks immediately warmed up, but he ignored it as they continued their game.

~~~

That was the last time anything like that happened between the two of them for quite a while. They never brought it up, and their friendship continued on like normal.

It would be a whole year before Haruka realized Makoto’s true feelings for him, after a life threatening accident and a confession on the beach during their first swim club training camp.

It would be a whole year after that before Haruka realized that he’d always felt the same way. A jarring fight between the two of them and a short time spent apart shook Haruka more than he thought possible, and he knew immediately upon seeing Makoto’s welcoming smile for him again that his future was always meant to be with Makoto.

After all they’d been through, he had finally understood Makoto’s words:

It’s meaningless without him.

Shortly following that, they both left for Tokyo to attend university together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was my first fic in the Free! fandom, and I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> I am 100% obsessed with MakoHaru<3
> 
> Feel free to follow me on tumblr @ wookbutt09!!!


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